Friday, 28 October 2011

My grieving mother list

A little while ago I found a note on a facebook page for grieving mothers about 'Wishes for a grieving parent' and it got me thinking what is my grieving mother list in regards to Charlie Bear. What would I want people who have never experienced the pain of losing a child. What do I wish people had known during this journy of grief. I've decided to write my own some are similiar but I have changed them to suit my situation. If you would like to read the original here is the link Wishes for the grieving parent . My list <3

1. Yes, I have tattoo for Charlie. I got it on my wrist so he is always with me and so people like you will see and ask "Who is Charlie? ". If I didn't want to talk about him do you think I would do this?

My Charlie tattoo...I <3 Roses. We put prince because he was born at the Royal and Charlie because he is the most amazing boy ever. Yes I do get asked why do you have a tattoo for prince Charles *Shakes head in disgust lol*

2. I want you to speak his name so don't feel like a bad person for saying it and having
to hear me say he is now an angel. Charlie was here, for 10 weeks in fact and those 10 weeks
were amazing. So let me tell you about those weeks and listen. I'm sure you will be inspired too because how many babies do you know that got diagnosed with no brain that could suck a dummy like wild and then drink from a bottle once when the doctors didn't even believe he could. See inspiring hey? :)
Such a proud mummy moment watching my son who is ment to be only be tubefed be fed from a special bottle and succeed! You go boy!!

3. Please don't feel bad if I get emotional or cry because I'm not crying about
anything you have done or said. I'm most likely crying cuz I miss him and if I cry give me a hug
don't tell me to stop because my son died and it helps me to cry.
4. Part of the journey of grief is having good days and bad days. Don't think because I
am smiling and happy that I am over it. I will NEVER be over it. I'm just stronger today.
The hardest day of my entire life at my sons funeral.
5. Please don't assume all types of death are the same because the death of a child
no matter how old they were or what took their life is different. No parent should have to ever bury their child or plan their childs funeral (especially their babies :( ) Losing a child will always be the
most painful type. Don't try and compare it to your dog or your elderly parent. It is very
different to setting up a nursery that didn't get used or never getting to take your child home.
6. Don't expect my grief to be over in six weeks or six months because I will never
get over the fact my son died. It has forever changed me I am now a bereaved parent and I
will always be.
7. Don't tell me I should have 'closure' because I now know what condition my son had
in my eyes it just gives me more things to worry about. I will never have closure my
heart is forever broken sure I am stronger because of it but I would rather have my son here
and be a emotional wimp with an alive child.
8. Yes my son had a condition that happened in pregnancy. No, i did NOT drink, do drugs,
eat anything I shouldn't for this to have happened so don't ask me if I did. Do you not think when I found out
something was wrong that I hadn't considered this? I didn't do anything wrong and it happened.
9. Charlie's birthday 23rd November will always be hard but I will still celebrate it. No I am not weird for doing this and even If you think that about me, I don't care. I will be getting a cake and releasing balloons and celebrating however old he would have been.
10. Charlie's angelversary will always be hard too. Just remembering that day I will I'm sure  be a mess. Please don't try and get me to do anything I'm not comfortable to do. Let me sort out myself and I'll cry if I want too. If I don't come to your child's party on his birthday or angelversary please understand.
11. If you tell me I've changed I will agree. I know I have, I've turned into a bereaved mum. My heart has been broken,as I have said I am stronger but there are days I struggle. Sometimes I will struggle to handle hearing a baby cry or seeing a boy that would have been the same age as Charlie now. I will do the best I can to handle the situation and with any luck it will get easier as time goes by.
12. If you have been thinking about Charlie. Please tell me, It makes me smile to know that you think of him too. I know he never will be forgotten but it's  special when a friend says they saw a bear, a prem or a balloon in the sky and thought of Charlie.
13. If you see me standing in a big gust of wind or a breeze smiling like a goof. I'm smiling cuz in my mind a breeze is a kiss from an angel and nothing is more precious.
14. Please don't make jokes about death especially when it comes to children. This is painful for me and I won't take it.
15. I am stronger than i have ever been and I am sometimes amazed that I'm charlie's mummy. Charlie story happened to me,it's my life but sometimes it feels like a dream.
16. I'm proud to say that my inspiration is my son Charlie. Yes, he lived 10 weeks. Yes, he had a condition in his brain.
17.Yes, if he had survived he would have been disabled and we don't know how life would have been. But I would have taken it in my strive and taken the best care of my son. Don't say it's a good thing he died because I'm free to live my life and not be held down by a disabled child because I disagree!
18. No, I would not change anything about my pregnancy or our time with Charlie at all.
19.I do not regret saying no everytime I was offered an abortion and Yes I understood what the doctors were telling us.
20. No, I don't struggle being around babies now. Some days it might make me a bit sad when I see something that reminds me of Charlie but that is mainly because I miss him and I wish he was here too.

21. My family is amazing! Like me, they love talking about Charlie, we include Charlie in everything even though he is no longer here with us. We had a family photoshoot and we included him.

Photo courtesy of Special Memories Photography (Keren). Such a precious photo.

22. Charlie's daddy - also amazing! He was soo inspired by our little Charlie Bear that he is now in the process of studying to get to his dream of becoming a sonographer. Josh's favourite moment ever was being told Charlie was a boy at our 19 week ultrasound. At the moment he said I want to do that! Even when we were told the bad news and were having ultrasounds all the time. Josh still loved it and that's because of you Charlie Bear!

Such a precious daddy and son moment. It warms my heart this photo.

23. It's not only Josh that got inspired to study and get a career path in mind. I have been so inspired that I started the charity page in Charlie's honour. I thought I love this how could I get a job doing something like this. I then discovered event management and let me tell you I love it! Charlie is my inspiration. At first I wanted to do it and get into Charity events but now I think I want to do it all. I've never had so much fun working. It's hard work but if you love it..then it's totally with it. I've already done some work experience I've worked as a volunteer at parklife and even worked backed stage for bear grylls (Check out my back stage pass haha and yes I did meet him! An awesome job right!)

Yes, I  may not look happy lol I am just trying to be sneaky when taking the photo on my phone lol.
Anyway thats all from me ( I bet your glad about that though lol cuz as you can see I've written alot ;).
I will be doing my best to upload my blog more regulary from now on and I don't even care if nobody reads it.Here is a quote to leave you with from my massive pinterest addiction but thats for another blog post.

I <3 this quote