The 23rd November is fast approaching it has almost been a year since my sweet and amazing boy Charlie entered this world. I am so glad I have organised the auction to say thank you to the Royal Brisbane & Womens Hospital as it makes it a slightly happier day. It is a hard day though as my baby boy should be celebrating being a one year old. Causing trouble and keeping me busy. Instead here I am writing about being a babyloss mum, organising Charity work for a hospital in my sons memory and studying Event Management.
When I think about if Charlie was here there is no way I would probably be doing any of those but he isn't, he is a little angel or as I like to think about it my beautiful guardian angel. Sure I like have a guardian angel but I want my beautiful boy in my arms doing what almost one year old baby boys should do.
I have had to go through so many firsts in the year since Charlie was born. I've had a massive fetal diagnosis for my baby. Given birth to a premature baby (34 weeker - 6 weeks early). Been a cow (breast feed but with a milk sucker/breast pump to express for Charlie. Been trained in how to tube feed. Learnt how to change a nappy. How to bath a baby (both with a sponge bath while Charlie was in a humidity crib and in a real big boy baby bath). How to calm a baby. How to live in the moment, by enjoying every hug and every cry. The worst one of all I've watched my baby pass away with nothing us or the doctors could do.
I brought some beautiful balloons today that I am planning on releasing on precious Charlies first b'day. While picking balloons I saw all the beautiful 1st birthday party goods. It made me excited but sad at the same time. If Charlie was here I would be planning something special for him. Spoiling him like you would not believe. It really sucks that he is not and were empty handed. I see now just how hard birthdays are and how hard this one will be. Hopefully they get easier as time goes by. The next big thing after Charlies first birthday is Christmas. Charlie was here for our last Christmas and it was soo nice having him here <3.
I only have one more thing to say today in this post and that is an early birthday wish to my beautiful guardian angel.
Happppppyyyyyy 1st birthday Charlie Jayden!!
Mummy loves you and misses you more than you will ever know.
Hope if anyone is reading this your being kind on yourself. H